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Sometimes life for me can feel like a continuous stream of shit, with the odd pocket of relief tossed in.
This is coming up a lot this year and as you can see, very reflective in my work.
Juggling work, household stuff, kid stuff, family stuff, and all that other STUFF that just happens to our bodies whether we like it or not.
Emotions and hormones, those complex and tangled strands that intertwine with every facet of our fucking existence.
I started a New Collection this year called WILD- mixed-media pieces that don't shy away from the full spectrum of feelings. From the deepest pits of despair to those happier feels, these creations capture it.
Accepting ourselves, flaws and all, goes beyond external aesthetics. The same goes for all those raging hormones and massive mood shifts, because, spoiler alert, we all freaking have them! So, how do we navigate the chaos? How do you manage the tiredness or the terrible moods & random crying fits?
A couple of weeks ago, I was out with my 1 and 4-year-old. I felt like crap and just wanted to lay in bed and binge ‘Love Is Blind’ on Netflix but noooo, I had to have my 'mum hat' on like I do every day of the fucking year. I just felt low and exhausted.
These days, I'm good at rationalising all these feelings. I was due ‘on’ and was well aware that my PMS was being exacerbated by the night wakings and general stresses that week chucked my way.
I sat down with my boys and my phone beeped; it was iMessage from a friend I haven’t seen or spoken to in ages, and she wrote ‘Beth it's been so long, I miss our phone calls and I feel so alone, I know you're so busy but please can we catch up this week. I love you’.
I read that and just burst into tears. I started crying like I had just received a message that someone close to me had died. And it wasn’t just a little sob, it lasted for around an hour (off and on)
It wasn’t the message, although it was so good to read (because I also miss her) - it was the cherry on the cake, I could feel the emotions just pouring out of me.
My younger self would have shut the tears down, but something felt good about letting it all go. I just allowed myself to feel this sorrow that was probably related to something so much deeper.
I also didn’t care that I was sat in a busy coffee shop, tears just streamed and that was okay. My 4-year-old came and held my hand and just rested his head on my arm without saying words and my one-year-old just continued to stuff his face with a muffin, cracking the odd baby cackle.
After the emotion eased, something just felt lifted. The afternoon was brighter and whatever that sadness was, it just needed to come out.
When we talk about so-called negative emotions, it's important to remember that these emotions, in and of themselves, aren't negative as in "bad." It is more than they are in the realm of negativity as opposed to positivity. Emotions aren't necessarily good or bad, they are just states and signals that allow us to pay more attention to the events that create them. This can either motivate us to create more of a certain experience or less. But sometimes I truly believe the body is just letting go of something pent up, something that hasn’t been released.
The weeks previously I had been having a lot of vivid dreams of a friend that died around 5 years ago. I never really mourned her and she has been in my thoughts so much. There is a part of me that knows this sadness was connected to her. The coffee shop wasn’t the only outburst, I also binged watched ‘One day’ that same week and I like I spent 2 hours crying after that.
I still dream of her but the sorrow is less. I never went to her funeral or could even pay tribute. The family quickly arranged a small close family funeral and scattered her ashes in place she played as a child, but they didn’t tell me where. Maybe I just didn’t get the closure.
We also need to accept that even though these feelings show up uninvited, shutting them down will not help.
Regardless of whether you can pinpoint a specific reason for the negative feelings, I firmly believe that they are valid and shouldn’t be suppressed. Storing these emotions away only postpones their expression, as they inevitably resurface later on.
Rationalizing or trying to convince ourselves otherwise doesn’t change this reality. Sometimes, it's simply a matter of hormonal fluctuations—PMS, pregnancy, postnatal, perimenopause, menopause, grief, exhaustion—they're all part of life's ebb and flow. Our bodies are in a constant state of flux, much like the tides.
The hustle and bustle of daily life may temporarily mask these emotions, but they demand acknowledgment and processing in due time.
My new collection 'WILD' isn't just about acknowledging our emotions; it's about embracing them wholeheartedly. Because let's face it, life is messy, chaotic, and sometimes just bloody difficult, and that's what makes it beautiful, that’s what makes you real.
This collection is an ongoing journey, and I love sharing it with you. Each piece is a snapshot of a moment in time, a reminder that it's okay to feel all over the place sometimes. So, let's cut ourselves some slack and embrace the wild ride together.
My "Art under £100" is all about making original art accessible to everyone. Because everyone deserves to have a reminder that it's okay to feel, to be messy, and to be beautifully, unapologetically human.
Every Month I will release one Original under £100, and that a promise for the rest of the year.
This month, 'I FEEL' is my Original, you can see her and the other collections in my Shop!
Sending you lots of love,
Have a wonderful weekend and if its not wonderful , that's Okay!
Beth x
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