This is an important question you need to ask yourself. We humans get so overloaded with work, chores, commitments and disruptions, its often difficult to connect with our intuition, our internal guidance system.
The truth is, you are an intuitive being and that 'gut feeling' always wants to guide you. Ignore it and you will get yourself in a whirlpool of turmoil; emotionally, mentally and physically. You will detach from your true 'self' and the physical body will inevitably suffer.
I ignored my gut for years. I would day- dream about exotic dancing, performing on stage, surrounded by music and lights. The idea of It would always put me in the moment and rinse away anxieties.
Letting rip on a dance floor with mates, in the privacy of my own room or at my local dance studio soothed me a little, but the desire to be a performer was always so massive. I ignored it because these little voices embezzled in my brain told me it was impossible to even consider it. What would my parents think? how could I do something that my family would not understand or accept? How could I consider doing something so taboo and wrong?
My entire upbringing cemented rules and beliefs in my head that just weren't helping my cause. In fact, they were making me sick. The true 'me' didn't have all these rules and regulations. The real me was free and didn't give two fucks what people thought. I was in a deep bondage with myself, and it affected every inch of my life. I wasn't living to my full potential and I felt trapped, everyday.
Breakthrough came to me at the end of my 20's, winter 2012. My Career was suffering, my mental health was unstable, my physical health was poor, my relationships toxic, and my vitality at an all time low.
If it wasn't for my housemate, Im not sure I would have had the guts to audition at that strip club one October night. She practically pushed me out the door saying she couldn't deal seeing me deprive myself any longer. She knew me well and we always joked about my closet stripper side. She would see me dance and get high on music, she saw how amazing it made me feel, how it shifted my mood and how happy it made me.
After a few cocktails at the Charlotte street Hotel for dutch courage, I hit an audition at one of the biggest Strip Clubs in London, my housemate by my side. The idea of a working audition didn't really phase me, the vibe and surrounding music just pulled me to the runway stage like a bug to a light bulb. The 10 minute audition was a blissful blur, I was totally lost in the music and the experience was exhilarating. It made me feel alive and all the stress in my body just melted from me. I will never forget that night.
That was the beginning of six year love affair in that club. I continued my other work and danced roughly 2-3 times per week. This was the best therapy for me. It rinsed away years of pent up energy, frustration and stress in my body. I didn't stop until these feelings left me, and one day they did. It was like someone just turned the tap off, the urge to dance and thrash my feeling out on stage dissipated and I felt pretty peaceful about it. Actually I felt pretty peaceful in general. Those years dancing shook all the bad stuff out of me, they freed up my spirit, they made me happier and healthier.
I unleashed a caged side of myself in that club. I felt powerful and free. I was a different person with a different name in that world and it released me.
Photograph by John Wright
I liberated myself and thats the point I am making in this Blog. You must find your therapy. It may not be a conventional route but who gives a fuck?! you must find the strength to do it regardless. If you follow what makes you feel alive, life will reward you. its part of the journey we must all go on. Think of it like levels in a computer game.
We live in a world that loves to install rules in us from a young age, bullshit rules that can hinder our growth. Its challenging to turn upstream and start fighting the current, but the reward is waiting for you and If you don't take that leap, you are denying yourself of who you are.
You owe it to yourself to find your own bliss. follow the fun, the excitement, its leading you to a better place.
The universe has you back, i'm a big believer in that. You just have to trust, tap into that internal guidance and go with it. Its urging you in the direction you are meant to go. Always.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!